Being a surgeon i lead a very hectic life and of late considering the amount of operations i have been doing, i have missed my ‘FARZ SALAH’ also. I consoled myself thinking that what i am doing is going to be credited in my account of good deeds and somehow Allah(swt) will understand as to why i could not perform my ‘SALAH’.
One Sunday, after coming back from the hospital very late at night i was resting on the couch when suddenly i noticed that both my feet and legs were grossly swollen. I examined myself and sub-consciously i started evaluating the different causes and the possibilities started scaring me tremendously.
This thought scared me so much- not because of the health aspect.
I was scared because suddenly i started analysing my life and assessing whether i had done enough as far as just the 5 pillars of Islam were concerned-
Of late, i had missed my ‘SALAH’.
Few of my ‘SAWM'( Roza) were still pending.
I wanted to go for ‘HAJJ’ but i kept post-poning it.
There were certain issues left to be resolved with respect to certain relationships.
There were few debts to be cleared.
I wanted to spend time with my children and help them become better muslims.
There were few ‘SADQA-e-JARIYA’ which i had planned and i just kept procrastinating thinking that i will do them in my free time.
Now, all of a sudden- these were the only things which troubled me because my only concern was -” How am i going to face Allah(swt) ? ” I became pale and i could feel the palpitations of my own heart. The vision of me dying, then being inside the grave all alone, surrounded by only the darkness made me so fearful.
In this moment, being a Doctor and having achieved accolades didn’t strike me even once.
My worldly accumulations did not even cross my mind. Nothing could calm me down. I got up, did my ablution(‘WUZU’) and performed 2 rakahs of ‘NAFL SALAH’. I cried and cried in ‘SUJOOD’ asking for Allah’s(swt) forgiveness.
Thereafter i made a vow to myself that first i have to be dutiful towards my Lord and fulfill my obligations towards him(‘HUQUQ-ul-ALLAH’).
If i am not sincere in this, then what social responsibilities (‘FARZ-e-KIFAYA’) will i be capable of ?!
The thought made me feel at peace with my inner voice and i thanked Allah(swt) profusely that He guided me back to the straight path while there was still time for remedial measures. It made me realise this gift of life which Allah(swt) had given me was indeed precious and each moment had to be spent in a manner that it proves fruitful in the ‘AAKHIRAH’. REGRET IS GOOD ENOUGH IF YOU EXPERIENCE IT WHILE STILL BEING ALIVE. THE MOMENT YOUR HOUR NEARS, NOTHING MATTERS ANYMORE, NOT EVEN REGRET, BECAUSE YOU DONT HAVE TIME TO MAKE AMENDS.
I was still thinking regarding the cause of my swollen feet and legs when suddenly i realised that i had practically been standing continuously for the last eighteen hours and this was the most logical reason. This helped me calm down a lot and the next day, after adequate rest, indeed my feet and legs were normal.
But the fear, helplessness and anxiety which i had gone through in those few hours regarding my ‘AAKHIRAH’ jolted my consciousness adequately.
May Allah(swt) bestow guidance on all of us and help us to be steadfast in this perfect religion of His. Aameen.